Objectives
By the end of this module you will be able to:
- Explain the three GGN pacing tools, Small Sips, Visit and Return, and the Steady Ending, in your own words, and connect them to the GGN idea Breaks Belong.
- Lead the GGN Visit and Return practice.
- Recognize when to slow down, pause, or stop.
- Structure a session so that the final portion is spent returning to steadiness.
Lesson
Why pacing matters
Grieving people often feel they must either face everything at once or avoid it completely. Neither tends to help. GGN practitioners offer a third way: approach hard things a little at a time, with a clear way back to steadiness, and finish every session on solid ground. GGN teaches this through three pacing tools.
Pacing tool 1: Small Sips
Small Sips means approaching difficult experience in small, manageable amounts, the way you might sip a hot drink rather than gulp it. In a session, a Small Sip might be:
- Speaking about one moment of the loss, not the whole story.
- Noticing a painful sensation for a few breaths, then shifting attention to an anchor.
- Looking at one photo, not the whole album.
- Reading one line of a sympathy card, then setting it down.
The client decides the size of each sip. Your job is to keep offering smaller ones: "Would you like to share just one part of that today?" The idea is common sense: people can approach hard things more safely when they do not become overwhelmed.
Pacing tool 2: Visit and Return
Visit and Return means making a short visit to something hard, and then returning to something steady: an anchor, a support, the room, or Clearing. In GGN practice, three rules shape every visit:
- Home comes first. Before any visit, the client has a steady place to come back to: a reliable anchor and at least one support from Module 7.
- The return is longer than the visit. Spend more time with what steadies than with what hurts.
- The client can decline the next visit. A second visit is always offered as a choice, never assumed. Staying home is a complete and successful practice.
This is the body-sized version of Breaks Belong (Module 1). Across months, grieving people step toward the loss and away from it in daily life. Within a single session, Visit and Return lets them do the same thing on purpose, with someone steady beside them.
Pacing tool 3: The Steady Ending
The Steady Ending means that every session finishes in the Settled Middle. The client should leave able to feel their feet, look around the room, and manage the next hour of their day. The final twenty minutes of every session are for coming back, not for new difficult material.
Signs to slow down, pause, or stop
Slow down if the person speaks faster and faster, breathes rapidly, or seems to be losing track of the present.
Pause if they appear flooded, say "I can't," become very still or glazed, or seem far away.
Stop and anchor if they show signs of panic, appear disconnected from the present, express thoughts of harm, or ask to stop.
In each case, return to an anchor or support, use Look Around the Room, and check in. If distress does not settle with simple grounding, follow the crisis and referral guidance in Module 11.
The shape of a session
A well-paced GGN session typically looks like this (for a 60-minute session):
| Time | Focus |
|---|---|
| 0 to 10 min | Arrive and Agree: Arrival practice, check-in, intentions |
| 10 to 40 min | Attend: conversation, education, and paced practices using Small Sips and Visit and Return |
| 40 to 50 min | Anchor: return to supports, grounding, and Looking Around (the Steady Ending begins) |
| 50 to 60 min | Close: Closing Settle, summary, self-care plan, next steps |
The practitioner never begins new difficult material in the final twenty minutes.
Guided practiceGGN Core Practice: Visit and Return (about 8 minutes)
Use only after the person has a reliable anchor and at least one support from Module 7. "We'll try a practice of visiting something that's hard for just a moment, and then coming back to something that steadies you. You decide how close to get to anything difficult, and you can stop at any time." (pause) "First, let's find your anchor. Which one would you like? Feet, seat, hands, eyes, or breath?" (pause) "Spend a moment with that anchor." (pause) "Now, bring to mind one of your supports. Let yourself notice it in detail, and notice anything in your body that goes with it. This is home base." (pause) "If you're ready, let your attention visit something that's hard right now. Not the hardest thing. Maybe a small piece of it, a small sip. You might notice where you feel it in your body. Only for a few breaths." (pause) "Now come back home, to your support or your anchor. Take as long as you need here. Longer than the visit." (pause) "Notice what's happening now. Has anything shifted, even a little?" (pause) "If you'd like, we could make one more short visit and then come home again. Or we can stay right here with your support. Both are complete. You choose." (pause) "Let's finish by spending some time with your anchor and your support. Look around the room. Notice that you're here, now." (pause) Facilitator notes: Spend more time at home than on the visit. If the person cannot come back from the difficult material, stop the practice and use Look Around the Room. Never use this practice in a first session.
Fictional vignetteFictional Vignette 8.1: Ruth
Ruth, 67, is caring for her husband who has advanced dementia. She describes "losing him a little every day." During Visit and Return, she touches on the moment he did not recognize her. She begins to sob, and then says she wants to keep going and tell you all of it. Discussion questions:
- Is sobbing a reason to stop? What would you look for?
- How would you balance her wish to tell "all of it" with Small Sips?
- What kind of loss is Ruth experiencing, and what supports might help?
Facilitator guidance: Tears alone are not a reason to stop. Check whether she can still feel her feet and hear your voice; this may well be Rain. Honor her wish to share, while offering to take it one piece at a time and to come back to her support in between. Ruth is experiencing anticipatory grief and Unclear Loss (Module 10). Caregiver support groups, respite services, and her own medical care are important; persistent exhaustion or hopelessness warrant a referral conversation.
Reflection Prompts
- How do you naturally pace difficult experiences in your own life? Do you tend to avoid, or to dive in?
- Describe one time when a Small Sip, a little at a time, helped you face something hard.
- What is your personal signal that you need to come back to an anchor?
- Draw or describe your own Visit and Return: what is home base for you, and what would a short visit be?