Objectives
By the end of this module you will be able to:
- Explain what "steadying" means in self-care, and what it does not mean.
- Use at least two quick steadying practices that rely on the senses and the surroundings.
- Choose practices that suit Storm moments and Fog moments.
- Adapt practices for different bodies, abilities, and settings.
Lesson
What steadying is
Steadying means doing something small and concrete that helps your attention land in the here and now, so the alarm or the heavy brake loosens a little. It is not about pushing feelings away. Many people find that once they feel a bit steadier, they can let themselves feel their grief without being swept away by it.
Steadying works best when it is:
- Concrete: using something you can see, touch, hear, or do.
- Short: one to five minutes is often enough.
- Familiar: practiced on calmer days, so it is easier to remember on hard ones.
- Your choice: you pick what fits. What helps one person may not help another.
For Storm moments
When your body is racing, outward and physical practices often work better than sitting still with your thoughts. Options include:
- Holding something with texture or weight and describing it in detail (see the practice below).
- Running cool water over your hands or wrists, or holding a cold drink, and noticing the temperature.
- Naming things you can see around you that are a particular color, one at a time.
- Walking slowly and noticing each step, or walking at a brisk pace if your body wants to move.
- Saying a few calm, true sentences out loud: "I'm in my kitchen. It's Tuesday. I'm safe right now. This wave will pass."
For Fog moments
When you feel heavy, numb, or far away, gentle activation can help more than quiet stillness. Options include:
- Standing up, if you are able, and shifting your weight slowly from foot to foot.
- Washing your face, or stepping outside to feel the air temperature on your skin.
- Putting on a song with a steady beat and tapping along with your fingers.
- Sipping something warm and noticing the taste.
- Texting one person a single word or emoji, just to make a connection.
Adapting for your body and setting
- If you use a wheelchair or have limited sensation in your legs, notice anywhere your body is supported, such as your back against a chair or your hands on armrests.
- If you are blind or have low vision, use sound, texture, and temperature instead of sight.
- If you are at work or in public, choose a discreet practice, like holding a pen and noticing its weight, or describing colors silently.
- If touch or certain sensations are unpleasant for you, skip them. You never need to do anything that feels wrong.
GGN practiceHold and Describe (about 3 minutes)
A steadying practice for Storm moments. You need any small object you can hold: a stone, a mug, a set of keys, a piece of fabric, a piece of fruit. Pick up the object and hold it in one or both hands. "What is its temperature? Cool, warm, room temperature?" "How heavy is it? Notice the weight pressing into your palm." "What is the surface like? Smooth, rough, soft, ridged, bumpy?" "What color or colors is it? Look closely for small details you might normally miss." "Does it have a smell or a sound if you tap it?" Describe it out loud or silently, as if you were explaining it to someone who has never seen it. When you are ready, set it down and notice how your body feels now. If your weather has shifted even slightly, that is enough. Notes: Some people keep a "steadying object" in a pocket or bag. It can be connected to the person who died, if that feels comforting, or completely neutral, if a connected object would bring up too much.
Fictional storyFictional Story 2.1: Bree at the grocery store
Bree, 34, lost her mother three months ago. In the cereal aisle she sees her mother's favorite brand and suddenly her heart races, her face feels hot, and she cannot think. She wants to abandon her cart and run. Questions to consider:
- What Grief Weather is Bree in?
- Which steadying practices could she use right there in the store?
- What could she do afterward?
Discussion: Bree is in a Storm moment triggered by a reminder. She might hold something cold from the freezer section and notice its temperature, name things around her that are red, or say silently, "I'm at the store. I'm safe. This wave will pass." It is also fine to leave the store and come back another day. Later, she could note the reminder in her Body Weather Report and plan shopping trips with a friend or at quieter times. If waves like this become frequent and get in the way of daily life, talking with a doctor or licensed mental health professional could help.
Reflection Prompts
- What already helps you feel steadier, even a little? It might be something you never thought of as a practice.
- Which practices from this module would fit your Storm moments? Your Fog moments?
- What object might you choose as a steadying object, and why?