Objectives
By the end of this module you will be able to:
- Identify messages about grief and emotion that people learn growing up.
- Reflect on how those messages shape grieving.
- Recognize that styles of grief vary widely among men.
- Approach grief without judgment.
Lesson
Messages from early on
Many boys hear phrases like big boys don't cry, toughen up, or be the man of the house. These messages are often passed down with love, as a way to prepare boys for hard times. But they can also teach that sadness should be hidden.
How messages shape grief
As adults, some men may hold grief inside, feel uncomfortable crying in front of others, or worry that showing feelings will make them seem weak. Others feel free to express grief openly. There is no single male way to grieve.
Without judgment
This program does not ask anyone to grieve in a particular way. It invites curiosity about what messages we carry and whether they still serve us.
GGN practiceMessages I carry (about 10 minutes)
Write down three messages you heard growing up about grief, crying, or showing feelings. Next to each, write whether it helps you now, hurts you now, or a little of both. If this brings up pain, pause and reach out to someone you trust, or call or text 988.
Fictional storyFictional Story 1.1: Man of the house
At his father's funeral, twelve-year-old Eli was told by a relative, "You are the man of the house now." Years later, Eli realized he had not let himself cry since that day.
Questions to consider:
- How might that message have shaped Eli?
- What might he need now?
Discussion: The message, though likely meant kindly, may have taught Eli to put his grief aside to be strong for others. Now he may need permission to grieve his father, perhaps by talking with a trusted friend or visiting a place connected to his dad.
Reflection Prompts
- What did the men in your life show you about grief?
- Which messages would you pass on, and which would you change?
- How do you usually express sadness?