Global Grief Network logoGGN Men, Grief and Emotional Expression
Global Grief Network Education Center
Module 2 of 6

Many Ways of Grieving

About 1 hour

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Lessons in this module
  1. Two broad patterns
  2. Doing as grieving
  3. When a style gets stuck

Objectives

By the end of this module you will be able to:

Lesson

Two broad patterns

Some people grieve mostly through feelings: crying, talking, and sharing emotions. Others grieve mostly through action and thought: building, fixing, working, solving problems, or creating something in memory. Many people use a blend.

Doing as grieving

Restoring a loved one's car, building a memorial bench, running a race in their name, organizing family affairs, or tending their garden can all be deep expressions of grief. These are not avoidance when they keep a person connected to the loss and the loved one.

When a style gets stuck

Any style can become a problem if it keeps grief completely buried for a long time, or if a person feels overwhelmed and alone. Staying busy every waking hour, or using alcohol or other substances to numb feelings, can be signs that more support is needed.

GGN reminder: Grieving through action is real grieving. A man in his workshop may be grieving as deeply as someone in tears.
GGN practiceMy grieving style (about 10 minutes)

List three things you have done after a loss, from talking to building to walking. Mark each as mostly feeling, mostly doing, or both. Notice which feel most natural to you. If this brings up pain, pause and reach out to someone you trust, or call or text 988.

Fictional storyFictional Story 2.1: The workbench

After his brother died, Marcus spent every evening finishing the boat they had started together. His wife worried that he never talked about his brother.

Questions to consider:

  1. Is Marcus grieving?
  2. How could his wife support him?

Discussion: Marcus is likely grieving through action, staying connected to his brother through the boat. His wife could join him in the garage sometimes, ask about memories tied to the project, and stay alert for signs he feels overwhelmed.

Reflection Prompts

  1. Do you lean toward feeling, doing, or both?
  2. How have you seen others grieve through action?
  3. When might staying busy become a way of hiding from grief?

Module 2 Quiz

Choose one answer per question, then check your answers. You need 4 of 5 correct to pass, and every critical item must be correct. You can retake it any time.