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Global Grief Network Education Center
Module 2 of 6

Hidden Relationships

About 1 hour

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Lessons in this module
  1. Relationships others may not see
  2. Barriers to grieving
  3. Making room

Objectives

By the end of this module you will be able to:

Lesson

Relationships others may not see

Some relationships are not known or not accepted by others: former partners, partners in relationships that were kept private, close friends, coworkers, stepfamily members, chosen family, or a person someone was caring for professionally. When these people die, their grievers may be left out.

Barriers to grieving

People in hidden relationships may be excluded from decisions, funerals, or family gatherings. They may not get time off work. They may have to hide their grief to protect privacy or safety.

Making room

Ask, How are you doing with this loss? rather than assuming who should grieve. Invite overlooked mourners to rituals when possible, or help them create their own.

GGN reminder: Love is not measured by how public a relationship was.
GGN practiceA private ritual (about 10 minutes)

If you have grieved a hidden relationship, write a short plan for a private ritual: a letter, a place, a song, or a meal. If you support others, list one way you could include overlooked mourners. If this brings up pain, pause and reach out to someone you trust, or call or text 988.

Fictional storyFictional Story 2.1: Chosen family

Tomas and Benny were best friends for thirty years and called each other brothers. When Benny died, his relatives planned a small family funeral and did not invite Tomas.

Questions to consider:

  1. How might Tomas feel?
  2. What could others do?

Discussion: Tomas may feel shut out and grief stricken. Friends could acknowledge his loss, help him organize a gathering of Benny's friends, and include him in remembering Benny.

Reflection Prompts

  1. Which relationships in your life might others not recognize?
  2. How could rituals be more inclusive?
  3. What would help someone grieve privately?

Module 2 Quiz

Choose one answer per question, then check your answers. You need 4 of 5 correct to pass, and every critical item must be correct. You can retake it any time.