Objectives
By the end of this module you will be able to:
- Define disenfranchised grief in plain language.
- Recognize the main ways grief can go unacknowledged.
- Understand the effects of unrecognized grief.
- Affirm that every loss deserves room.
Lesson
What it means
Disenfranchised grief is grief that is not openly acknowledged, socially supported, or publicly mourned. The person grieves, but those around them do not see the loss as real or important enough to grieve.
How grief becomes unrecognized
A loss may go unrecognized because the relationship was not known or accepted, because the loss itself is not seen as significant, because of stigma around how the loss happened, or because the griever is not seen as someone who grieves, such as a young child or an older adult.
Effects of silence
Without recognition, people may grieve alone, hide their feelings, miss out on rituals, and feel shame. Grief that has nowhere to go can become heavier over time.
GGN practiceUnspoken losses (about 10 minutes)
Write down one loss you have grieved quietly or that others did not recognize. Next to it, write what you wish someone had said. If this brings up pain, pause and reach out to someone you trust, or call or text 988.
Fictional storyFictional Story 1.1: Back on Monday
When Kai's former partner died, Kai learned about it through a mutual friend. They had been apart for years but had shared a decade together. Kai went to work Monday as usual, because Kai did not think anyone would understand.
Questions to consider:
- Why might Kai's grief go unrecognized?
- What might Kai need?
Discussion: Former partners are often not seen as legitimate mourners. Kai may need someone to acknowledge that this is a real loss and to make space to talk about the years they shared.
Reflection Prompts
- Have you ever felt you did not have permission to grieve?
- Whose grief might you have overlooked?
- What would it look like to make room for every loss?