Global Grief Network logoGGN Men, Grief and Emotional Expression
Global Grief Network Education Center
Module 4 of 6

Opening Conversations

About 1 hour

If you or someone you know may be in danger right nowCall 988Text 988Immediate danger: call 911

988 is the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline in the United States. It is free, confidential, and open 24/7 by call, text, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Veterans: dial 988 then press 1. Outside the US, use your local emergency number or crisis line. This program is education, not crisis care. If you are struggling as you read, please pause and reach out now.

Lessons in this module
  1. Side by side
  2. Simple, direct questions
  3. Listening without fixing
  4. Going first

Objectives

By the end of this module you will be able to:

Lesson

Side by side

Many people, including many men, find it easier to talk while doing something together: driving, fishing, walking, working on a project, or watching a game. Side by side settings can feel less intense than face to face talks.

Simple, direct questions

Try: "How are you really doing since your dad died?" or "What has been the hardest part?" Direct questions show you can handle the answer.

Listening without fixing

When someone opens up, resist the urge to solve or cheer them up. Nodding, staying quiet, and saying "That makes sense" can be more helpful than advice.

Going first

Sharing a bit of your own experience, such as "After my grandfather died I had a really hard year," can make it easier for someone else to open up.

GGN reminder: You do not need perfect words. Showing up again and again is what builds trust.
GGN practicePlan a side by side (about 10 minutes)

Think of someone who may be grieving. Write down one activity you could invite them to and one simple question you could ask while you are together. If this brings up pain, pause and reach out to someone you trust, or call or text 988.

Fictional storyFictional Story 4.1: The drive

Coach Ray drove his player Tyrese home after practice. Without looking over, Ray said, "I've been thinking about your grandpa. How's it going at home?" Tyrese talked for the whole ride.

Questions to consider:

  1. Why might the drive have helped?
  2. What did Ray do well?

Discussion: The side by side setting lowered the pressure. Ray asked a simple, direct question and then listened.

Reflection Prompts

  1. Where do you find it easiest to talk?
  2. Which direct question feels natural for you?
  3. When has someone going first helped you open up?

Module 4 Quiz

Choose one answer per question, then check your answers. You need 4 of 5 correct to pass, and every critical item must be correct. You can retake it any time.